Links o’ Interest

How to do Facebook wrong.

A very pleasant walkway

Very sad picture

Girl quits her job on dry erase boards – fantastic HOPA resignation. It turned out to be a hoax, and you’ve probably seen it by now, but it’s still funny.

Scissors beats paper

You will never look at ducks the same way

What about Norway?

Matt LeBlanc auditions to be Matt LeBlanc

Slogan win

I don’t want directions

Heros essay

Nirvana’s viewpoint on lip-synching

A serious badass

A victim treats his mugger right

Understanding a PhD

Hello from my lighthouse

Squid attack!

Just a terrible terrible football play

Meanwhile in Australia

Chicken McNuggets rage

Spidercan makes me giggle

Jenny McCarthy bodycount

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Bad Social

Yes another high school classmate of mine has a novel out (there are at least 4 other published authors from my class). I went to the web to figure out what it was. I found his website. And couldn’t log in. Yes, I had to log in. I am very confused by this. You’d think the first thing any author would have is a publicly available website with everything and everything about them and the book.

Anyhow, here’s the book.

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Poker Update: Bad Reading

My biggest flaw in poker is my inability to read people. I’m not an expert with the math and game theory, but I am more than strong enough for the level I play at. I’ve never been that kind of social person, I am not that great at reading cues from body language and tone. My nerd background focuses me on actions and content, it assumes people are doing their best to communicate the truth.

Playing poker without reading people well is playing with a serious handicap. I have been playing with the same group of people for three years or so, and I don’t even try to read at least half of them, because I just can’t.

Last night was worse though. Last night I had good reads, but I didn’t trust myself.

Hand One: From the small blind, I min-raise with A-3. Three of us go to the flop, which is A-A-x. I suspect that the big blind also has an ace with a bigger kicker. Sure enough, he raises. And I can’t let go of my trip Aces. I just can’t. I manage to convince myself that he’s bluffing. Eventually he turns over A-8 and I have lost half my stack on that one hand. Ugh.

Hand Two: A conservative player raises pre-flop. I call with A-J. The flop is Q-8-5 or something. He raises again. I don’t believe him. Even with his tight playing style and two raises, I think he has nothing. Or at least not very much. I call. On the turn he goes all-in. I still don’t believe he has a Queen or a monster hand. But with nothing made in my own hand, I grudgingly fold. He turns over 7-2. (We had a 7-2 bounty.) Nyarrgghh, I almost never have a read on him, and when I did I didn’t believe myself.

bang head

Hand None: There is one player I have a strong tell on. When he has the nuts (e.g. he has Q-J, and Q-Q-J comes out) he does the same thing every time. I discovered the tell two years ago, and I haven’t been able to utilize it. Just by chance it hasn’t come up in the last two years, he’s never had a monster hand against me. That’s annoying. And even if I did get to use it, it’s not very cool to just fold. It’s much more interesting to have a tell that let’s you know when he’s bluffing.

In summary, it’s taken me three years to get a few partial reads on a few people, and I don’t trust myself to use them. Not good!

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Muttrox goes to court

Why was in court? Because I failed to pull over for emergency vehicles. This was a law no one had told me about. Everyone knows you should pull over for emergency vehicles. But most people don’t know that you need to pull over for stopped emergency vehicles. And most people don’t know how far you have to pull over. You have to pull over far enough so that there is an entire free lane between the you and the emergency vehicle and yourself. Like this:

move over

The fact that I slowed way down and that I was driving very safely doesn’t matter at all. I also happen to live near the newly incorporated city of Dunwoody, which is making up it’s budget problems by issuing ridiculous tickets. They set up a trap to get people with this law, and they got me. How much do you think the ticket is? (I hope this works – my first poll.)

What is the fine for failing to pull over for an emergency vehicle?

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$695. That’s right. Six hundred and ninety five dollars. Don’t forget the points and the inevitable raise in insurance rates. This was worth fighting.

I went to the arraignment phase to get a deal cut. But the conversation went wrong, and before I knew it I had agreed with the Solicitor that yes, you’re right, I am pleading not guilty, and I want a full jury trial! I’m still not sure how that happened. Six months later, I got my summons to DeKalb Superior Court and it was time to argue my case.

I have a lawyer buddy who occasionally works cases like this. He got his partner Charles to meet me at court that day to help out.

Strangely, we were back in the arraignment phase all over again, only in a different courtroom. Once again, the judge spent twenty minutes going over the ground rules, and then asking each person if they were pleading Guilty, Nolo Contedere, Not Guilty, or if they wanted to talk to the prosecutor before deciding. I already did this part, why am I in reruns? If I had known it was going to be this stuff again I would have pled Nolo on my own or bargained with the prosecutor myself, I would have never bothered getting a lawyer.

There were 89 cases scheduled. In a standard 8-hour work day, that means about five minutes per case. That isn’t a lot of time to dispense justice.

I have my own bench. They made everyone move over because there are so many cases. But most people don’t show up, and Charles is exiled to the jury box to save room, so I am all alone on my bench. I don’t mind. There is about 50% attendance. That is sad. The guard later told me that most of the people who aren’t here can’t get time off work. Then a warrant goes out for their arrest and things get even worse for them. Sad.

There is a man on the bench behind me sleeping. He was sleeping when I walked in. He is half-snoring. It’s weird. Maybe he works the night shift? He is taking up two or three spaces and everyone else is squeezing around him like he doesn’t exist.

The prosecutor walks in, and Charles gets to him before he can even sit down. It took Charles all of thirty seconds to make a deal. He and the prosecutor whispered back and forth. I hear the prosecutor say, “What does he want?” then nod okay at the reply, and the deal was done. I probably saved a couple hundred dollars worth of my time, just by getting this taken care of and being out the door early.

Demographics: It was 90% Black and Hispanic. The dress was often informal, but never disrespectful (unlike last time, where one guy wore pants down to his knees and a Lakers jersey). It was mostly sneakers and polo shirts. I am the best dressed person here by a country mile. I don’t think dressing up nicely actually influences anyone that much. If this has ever influenced a judge, it hasn’t been around me. I suppose that’s a good thing.

Three out of four white people have lawyers. That’s not a percentage or a ratio. There are four white people, and three of them have lawyers.

Public Defenders now cost $50 (used to be free), but the fee is waived if the case is completed on that day.

It sucks to be poor. Off the top of my head:
• I got a lawyer for free, just because I know many lawyers in my regular life.
• I took time off work (not everyone can do this). I probably won’t even get charged a vacation day for it.
• Charles was telling me about the usual cases they have here. In car accident cases, Insurance agencies identify the poorest plaintiffs and purposefully offer terrible settlements. The companies know the victim doesn’t have the resources to fight and are likely to take any offer as “better than nothing”.
• The $50 charge for a public defender. I am surprised. I thought if you were poor enough it was a guaranteed constitutional right to have a free lawyer.
• In rural counties, they’ve outsourced probation. As a result, it cost $200 just to be on probation.
• Court is just plain intimidating. It’s easy to make a mistake and screw everything up, and you are painfully aware of that all the time. If a mistake is relatively catastrophic, it makes the scenario even more frightening, making it more likely that you’ll make a mistake.

A woman just pled an agreement with the state for shoplifting at WalMart. It was arranged that she would go into a shoplifting program of some kind. But she only speak Farsi. Can the program handle Farsi? Her son is interpreting for her. But when she was called up to the stand, her son was outside feeding the parking meter. So she stood mutely for fifteen minutes while the judge decided whether to delay everyone’s day waiting for the son, or to move on to the next case.

The mix of electronics and paper is ridiculous. The judge and her workers have computers to record the flow of cases and determinations. But all the actual information about the case is in old manila folders that would look fine on Mad Men.

“How do you plead?”
“I am not guilty!”
“Do you have a lawyer?”
“I am represented by Edmunds and Associates, and they will. Get. Me off!” Maybe not, but I’ll bet they are screwing you pretty well.

I was wrong, there is another person here dressed well. A middle-aged black man outshines me easily. The judge asks, “How are you doing today?” He answers, “Blessed.” I like that.

Remember the man sleeping behind me? They call his name, but he isn’t there. The security guard speaks up. “I had to remove him to the sick room, he’s on some kind of medication.” “Okay, so he is here, but sleepy?” “Yes, he can’t stay awake.” “I hope it’s not marijuana. That’s what here’s for!” The whole courtroom laughs.

“Sir, is this your first case of this kind?”
“It’s my first case of any kind!”

When it is time for the arranged pleas, I go first. I pled (or rather, my lawyer pled) Nolo Contedere. Interestingly, I was given my choice of two charges I could plead to. Either the original not Moving Over for Emergency Vehicle, or I could change to “Unsafe Speed for Conditions”. I decided the latter sounded a little better. $200 plus court costs poorer, I walk out.

free shawshank

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Poker Question

Last night I knocked out a player who was so stunned at how it went down he couldn’t talk for ten minutes. And if I had been in his shoes I would have felt the same way. But from where I stood, it was a perfectly logical sequence of events.

Readers: Did I play this right, or did I just get extremely lucky?

I was playing loose. I bluffed a lot. I showed my bluff cards a few times also. I was having fun, but also hoping to set up that big play where my huge raise with premium cards would be discounted and get callers.

I had a stack of 6,000 or so, a bit above average. I was dealt 9-3 offsuit as dealer.

Preflop:
Everyone folded to me and the blinds. Sure I only had 9-3, but I raised the blinds from 200 to 600, hoping to steal. It was certainly an aggressive play, but not crazy, right? The small blind folded. The big blind thought about it, and re-raised, up to 1,200. What to do?

I had no read on him, but he could certainly be re-raising with nothing. I would be getting a good return on my money (calling 600 to win 2,500). And I have a feeling that I can push him out after the flop with a continuation bet. Certainly this is not an obvious play, to call him with total junk. But I don’t think it’s crazy either. I called.

The flop:
The flop is 9-7-4 (or something very similar). I have top pair. I am still planning a big continuation bet, hoping to push him out. But he beats me to the punch, with a healthy bet of 2,000.

But I think I have the best hand. Very roughly speaking – he either has an overpair (I have 5 outs, about a 20% chance of pulling it out), he has two high cards (I’m favored at about 75%), or he has junk (I’m heavily favored). I am mostly worried that he had junk and got luckier than me, he could have 7-4 or a straight draw or something. I also think that even if he has pocket 10s or something similar, an all-in bet might make him fold. I would be showing a consistent story of premium cards that he might have to respect.

I go all-in, another 3,200 or so on top. He moans, and grudgingly calls. He turns over A-K. He did have premium cards. But he doesn’t pair up, and I win the hand to knock him out. He is understandably incredulous that I called his pre-flop raise with 9-3.

So, readers, am I just a stupid player with a lot of luck, or did I take reasonable chances and get a little lucky along the way?

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Facebook Wasteland

It’s hard to believe that anyone would go out on a limb like this, for all to see:
Facebook Beatles

That ought to create some buzz!

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Links o’ Interest

Dream girlfriend… one day will become a wife

18th century ship found at Ground Zero site

Sad stormtrooper

That it is a man who just doesn’t care

The sequel to World War I was just ridiculous

Nice resume, but…

I never thought about sacrifice quite this way

Incredible superhero CGI. Why go to the movies?

Common Cause

Scott meets Family Circus
scott and family circus

Mila’s dreams: A mother stages what she thinks her infant daughter is dreaming about

A potentially disturbing question (must read all the way to the end)

Interesting Car Wrecks

Sledgehammer and Whore

Ninja Ball Girl

Pac Man

People who bought Jon and Kate also bought…

Hauser’s Law: No matter the tax rate, tax revenue is about 20% of revenue

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Useless Business Introductions

At the kickoff meeting of a new project I witnessed a depressingly common phenomenon. The useless business introduction. Since some of us didn’t know each other, we went around the room introducing ourselves.

“Frankie Bellomer, Marketing.”
“Jackie Bouillabaisse.”
“Alex Alexis, IT.”
etc…

This is next to useless. How about something about what you do, or what role you play in the project?

“I’m Frankie Bellomer. I’m going to driving the final look and feel of this, as well as aligning it with our other marketing pieces.”
“Jackie Bouillabaisse, Product. I’ll be figuring out exactly what this thing does, similar to project so-and-so.”
“Alex Alexis. My team will actually build the product, so I’m here to make sure the specs are technically possible.”
etc…

In a few of these meetings I’ve ignored convention and explained who I am, with the idea that someone who doesn’t know me might actually get some useful information. But since no one else does it, I mostly look like an egotistical blowhard.

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New Theme

WordPress’s latest update includes this theme, which the developers seem very proud of it. I’ll try it out for a while.

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The Official Song of the France Trip

It took us a solid week to track it down from the phrase or two we remembered.

We could have sworn it was a French woman singing it. Whoops!

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Links o’ Interest

PhD Challenge

There’s no ninja like an office ninja

Gods feelin’ happy

Life before Google

He wore just the wrong Eagle shirt

My kind of cat

Contra vs Tetris

Calvin and Jobs

“Love is like a water park”

Zach Anner fooling around with Dennis Quaid. If you’re not familiar with Zach, he’s a comedian with cerebral palsy.

The new i-phone

Watch a deaf 8-year-old hear for the first time.

Another great roommate

Future warn past

Defiance

Needed: An Apple douchebag

Tragic

Weightlifter tries to squat 1008 lbs., projectile vomits on judge, passes out

Bon Voyage y’all!

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Balance the Budget

See if you can balance the budget. I got it done by 2020, but I would never get re-elected.

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Celtics Lakers: Game 7 Predictions

The loss of Perkins is big. I put the Celtics chances at 40%.

Halftime Update: Okay, maybe 50%! I love a good defensive struggle. And it’s nice that the refs haven’t made any egregious calls.

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Links o’ Interest

Nothing goes out of style in Japan

The University of television

Ozzy Osbourne scares people at the wax museum

Proofreading

I’m not going to cry

Kobe reacting to Chris Rock

Passport rejection

A personal letter from Steve Martin

Ridiculous overreactions by sports parents

Who’s at the door HoverCat?

That newspaper article seems kind of familiar

Luckiest bike rider

Scarred for life

Non-handicapped woman gets ticketed for using handicapped space. Sues city, because her poor arm hurt.

Monsters

What evidence?

Fan catches baseball in beer cup, chugs it and balances ball.

Inspiration from Bruce Lee

Dream marriage.

Want ads: Unemployed are not eligible. Unbelievable.

A handful of nice nice nice reviews of Sex and the City 2.

Now that is a crater

Very neat paint commercial

How laws get made, modern edition

The cancerous impact of smoking: Every 3 cigarettes is a genetic mutation

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Peanuts: Still Sad

It’s been over 10 years, but I still get sad thinking about Peanuts ending. Charles Schulz died on the same day his last strip was published.

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Housing Jerks

Increasing numbers of homeowners figure instead of fighting foreclosure, they should just maximize the time they can live rent free. The average foreclosure takes 438 days to finalize, 14 months of zero rent rent.

Screw ‘em all. You signed the loan papers. The bank didn’t force a pen in your hand. Maybe they were deceptive, but maybe they weren’t. Maybe you were an idiot. Being an idiot isn’t good. And now you’ve decided to go a step further, and just be a liar and a cheater.

It may be a rational step for some, but you can’t feel good about the ridiculous logic and complete lack of morality. The featured couple in the article is taking weekend trips and hitting the casino.

But the couple also refinanced at the height of the market, taking out cash to buy a truck they used as a contest prize for their hired animal trappers. It was a stupid move by their lender, according to Mr. Pemberton. “They went outside their own guidelines on debt to income,” he said. “And when they did, they put themselves in jeopardy.”

Did they really say it was a stupid move by their lender!? How delusional do you have to be to think that? It was a stupid move by you! And you don’t get to throw out a deal because you think the other side shouldn’t have offered it. Too late. The time to bring that up was before you shook hands.

If it was just between the borrowers and lenders I would care so much. But it’s not. My tax money is subsidizing all this garbage. The people who bought houses they could afford don’t get government money. We get higher tax bills to bail out all the morons. Fantastic.

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Laundry Machines are a Great Deal

Both our washer and dryer broke this month. We quickly figured out the new ones we wanted. Because the memorial day sales were coming up, we decided to wait a week. I brought a weeks of laundry to the laundromat. We had 38 pounds of laundry, and it costs $34 to get it cleaned at the laundromat.

The new washer and dryer cost $850. ($740 for the units, plus tax and hoses and whatnot.). $34 divided into that is 25. In other words, the new washer and dryer pay for themselves in less than six months. That’s pretty damn good!

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Links o’ Interest

Too big to fail

Yo-yo trickster genius

Ads for porn network (funny, and safe to watch)

Bad day

Frank Sinatra’s letter to George Michael. (By the way, Listen Without Prejudice is a great album.)

Atheist cats, and my faithful sidekick

Then there’s Denny

Amazing optical illusion

Oh Tiger!

Pinky is driving

Ceremony fail

Illusion of the year

Can this be true? Percentage of homeowners with negative equity, by state

This job is hell

Sports fail

He’s still cool

Hailstorm in pool.

Now that’s a “server down” page

Amazing mountain-climbing move

The evolution of privacy on Facebook

Color pictures of Czarist Russia

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Another Innumerate Sportswriter

Howard Beck get the idiot of the month award for this column. It is about how likely LeBron is to end up on which team. The reasoning is fairly good, but then he makes the mistakes of actually putting in numbers.

Knicks: 40%
Bulls : 75%
Nets: 40%
Heat: 30%
Cavs: 60%

That adds up to 245%. As great as LeBron James is, he can’t play for more than one team at a time. Howard, you’re a moron.

Update:
I guess I’m not the person to call him out on this. I was working from the print edition. The online version has different numbers.
Knicks: 3-1 (25%)
Bulls : 2-3 (60%)
Nets: 5-1 (17%)
Heat: 7-1 (13%)
Cavs: 5-7 (59%)
Which adds up to only 175% or so. That’s quite an improvement!

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Links o’ Interest

Graphs on the internet. I honestly lol’d several times.

Every Woman’s magazine

How to make Visa obey you.

The truth comes out

Couch cushion architecture

Where’s Homer?

Dolls vs Action Figures

Running with the Bulls: Never again

14-year old new kid takes on school bully

He’s giving a stock webinar while the market crashes, goes absolutely insane

Minimalist superhero posters

It’s a trap!

The internet was right, this is a great instrumental.

Things Bears Love

Bad prediction

A sportswriter unleashes some perspective.

Who else uses Google, the most powerful index of the sum of human knowledge, as a spell checker?

French reality show recreates Milgram’s experiments. They are also willing to kill just because someone asks them.

The average American family

If at first you don’t succeed…

Guilty: She was applying nail polish while driving, struck and killed someone

Saying no to bouncers

Gravity

Working in tech support

How to draw hands

Stacking bricks in Bangladesh

Underwater river.

Fun with secret questions. (I already wrote how to do them wrong.)

Understanding the oil spill, 1 and 2.

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