If I Were Lord Voldermort…

I am preparing for the grand finale by re-reading Book 6, and the last 100 pages of Book 5. At the end of Book 5 (Order of the Phoenix), Dumbledore reveals why he left Harry with those awful Dursleys. It was love, something Voldermort doesn’t appreciate. Aunt Petunia, however unwillingly took him in, and because she is the same blood of Harry and his mother, that made the house a safe haven.

Okay, fine. So you can’t get at Harry while he calls it home. Maybe you can do something about that. Nothing says you can’t enchant the Dursleys. With them under your control, how hard could it be to get Harry to renounce his home? Drive him to move out, or go back to Hogwarts. Then you ambush him on the road. Not terribly hard when you’re the Dark Lord. Don’t try to kill him, but get your Death Eater pals to capture him.

Even that is over-complicated. Just get the police to arrest him, and have them bring him right to your place instead of a normal cell.

Then you just throw him in a nice quiet cell with no means of escape or communication and wait for him to starve to death. You don’t have to worry about the scar or the prophecy or anything like that since you’re not actually attacking him. As long as you’ve covered your tracks well enough, he just dies.

Honestly, how hard is this stuff?

6 thoughts on “If I Were Lord Voldermort…”

  1. No no no sir, you’ve missed a critical point. The “charm” that protects Harry while under the Dursley’s roof also protects them as well…thereby granting them immunity from such enchantments. Course, personally I would have set up an enchanted “paino” to drop on the kid’s head the moment he stepped out, but that’s just plain crazy talk.

  2. Hey Ravener, welcome aboard!

    Having freshly read this, I’m feeling pretty good. From page 836, “While you can still call home the place where your mother’s blood dwells, there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort.” Not a word about harming his relatives, nor about what happens should he stop calling that place home.

  3. and if I were Desslok, I would have used SMITE to teleport in another drill missile and, once it was lodged in the wave motion gun barrel, regardless of whether or not it made it to the wave motion engine, I’d have blown the warhead.
    Given that this would have, at the very least, destroyed their uber-weapon, and probably taken out the majority of the shock-canons, as well as at least half the crew, I think that they’d be easy pickings from then on.
    (ok, I totally geeked out there)
    Alas…the bad guys always want to win in a particular way.

    It isn’t enough to kill Bond.
    We have to torture Bond.
    It isn’t enough to kill superman.
    We have to make him watch Lois die.
    Pathos, dontchaknow.

    There’s a great SNL sketch about this…

  4. I’m surprised that you even have to ask this question. Don’t you remember the lessons of high school?

    “Because, if the glass slipper had changed back into a pumpkin, then there wouldn’t be a story”. – Dr. Fiveash.

  5. Oh, and I almost forgot. There’s a spell that no one thought to use, but would be extraordinarily effective against almost all wizards… “Accio testicles!”

    (Credit to some random blog that was quoting somebody else. I’ve lost track of from where.)

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