Happy Valentine’s Day. Bah!

One of my favorite Simpsons bits starts off in the board room of a greeting card company.

Manager: Okay, people. We need to cook up a new holiday for the summer. Something with, eh, gifts, cards, assorted gougeables.
Woman: How about something religious? We had great penetration last spring with “Christmas II”!
Man: Ooh, I know, Spendover, like Passover but less talk, more presents!
Manager: No! We need something like… something like “Love Day”, but not so lame.
Cut to the Simpsons living room…
Marge (arms full of cards and presents): Happy Love Day everyone!
Lisa: Mom, you know that was just something made up by the card companies, there’s no such thing.
Marge: Lisa, don’t you ruin another Love Day for this family!
Homer opens his gift on the coffee table. It’s a talking toy bear with an annoyingly sweet mechanical voice, dressed in a knight’s clothing.
Bear: I’m Sir Loves-A-Lot! The bear who loves to love.
Homer: They didn’t have Lord Huggington?
Marge: It’s the same basic bear, Homey.
Homer: [dejected] I guess.

In the real world, I pass this on my way to work every day.

Seriously, get a grip folks. “I love you?” You love every single person who drives past your house on our busy street? You do, a giant plastic inanimate bear? Don’t you think that’s a little ridiculous? You don’t have to drop a couple c-notes on a large inflatable bear to spread your generic message of saccharine love. We’d get by just fine without it.

2 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Day. Bah!”

  1. Thank you, Muttrox, for making me laugh out loud as I read this post. I have often thought similar non-loving anti-Valentine thoughts driving by that crazy Bear, especially on a dark and grouchy morning!

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