A very pleasant walkway

Very sad picture

Girl quits her job on dry erase boards – fantastic HOPA resignation. It turned out to be a hoax, and you’ve probably seen it by now, but it’s still funny.

Scissors beats paper

You will never look at ducks the same way

What about Norway?

Matt LeBlanc auditions to be Matt LeBlanc

Slogan win

I don’t want directions

Heros essay

Nirvana’s viewpoint on lip-synching

A serious badass

A victim treats his mugger right

Understanding a PhD

Hello from my lighthouse

Squid attack!

Just a terrible terrible football play

Meanwhile in Australia

Chicken McNuggets rage

Spidercan makes me giggle

Jenny McCarthy bodycount

Anyhow, here’s the book.

Playing poker without reading people well is playing with a serious handicap. I have been playing with the same group of people for three years or so, and I don’t even try to read at least half of them, because I just can’t.

Last night was worse though. Last night I had good reads, but I didn’t trust myself.

Hand One: From the small blind, I min-raise with A-3. Three of us go to the flop, which is A-A-x. I suspect that the big blind also has an ace with a bigger kicker. Sure enough, he raises. And I can’t let go of my trip Aces. I just can’t. I manage to convince myself that he’s bluffing. Eventually he turns over A-8 and I have lost half my stack on that one hand. Ugh.

Hand Two: A conservative player raises pre-flop. I call with A-J. The flop is Q-8-5 or something. He raises again. I don’t believe him. Even with his tight playing style and two raises, I think he has nothing. Or at least not very much. I call. On the turn he goes all-in. I still don’t believe he has a Queen or a monster hand. But with nothing made in my own hand, I grudgingly fold. He turns over 7-2. (We had a 7-2 bounty.) Nyarrgghh, I almost never have a read on him, and when I did I didn’t believe myself.

Hand None: There is one player I have a strong tell on. When he has the nuts (e.g. he has Q-J, and Q-Q-J comes out) he does the same thing every time. I discovered the tell two years ago, and I haven’t been able to utilize it. Just by chance it hasn’t come up in the last two years, he’s never had a monster hand against me. That’s annoying. And even if I did get to use it, it’s not very cool to just fold. It’s much more interesting to have a tell that let’s you know when he’s bluffing.

In summary, it’s taken me three years to get a few partial reads on a few people, and I don’t trust myself to use them. Not good!

The fact that I slowed way down and that I was driving very safely doesn’t matter at all. I also happen to live near the newly incorporated city of Dunwoody, which is making up it’s budget problems by issuing ridiculous tickets. They set up a trap to get people with this law, and they got me. How much do you think the ticket is? (I hope this works – my first poll.)

$695. That’s right. Six hundred and ninety five dollars. Don’t forget the points and the inevitable raise in insurance rates. This was worth fighting.

I went to the arraignment phase to get a deal cut. But the conversation went wrong, and before I knew it I had agreed with the Solicitor that yes, you’re right, I am pleading not guilty, and I want a full jury trial! I’m still not sure how that happened. Six months later, I got my summons to DeKalb Superior Court and it was time to argue my case.

I have a lawyer buddy who occasionally works cases like this. He got his partner Charles to meet me at court that day to help out.

Strangely, we were back in the arraignment phase all over again, only in a different courtroom. Once again, the judge spent twenty minutes going over the ground rules, and then asking each person if they were pleading Guilty, Nolo Contedere, Not Guilty, or if they wanted to talk to the prosecutor before deciding. I already did this part, why am I in reruns? If I had known it was going to be this stuff again I would have pled Nolo on my own or bargained with the prosecutor myself, I would have never bothered getting a lawyer.

There were 89 cases scheduled. In a standard 8-hour work day, that means about five minutes per case. That isn’t a lot of time to dispense justice.

I have my own bench. They made everyone move over because there are so many cases. But most people don’t show up, and Charles is exiled to the jury box to save room, so I am all alone on my bench. I don’t mind. There is about 50% attendance. That is sad. The guard later told me that most of the people who aren’t here can’t get time off work. Then a warrant goes out for their arrest and things get even worse for them. Sad.

There is a man on the bench behind me sleeping. He was sleeping when I walked in. He is half-snoring. It’s weird. Maybe he works the night shift? He is taking up two or three spaces and everyone else is squeezing around him like he doesn’t exist.

The prosecutor walks in, and Charles gets to him before he can even sit down. It took Charles all of thirty seconds to make a deal. He and the prosecutor whispered back and forth. I hear the prosecutor say, “What does he want?” then nod okay at the reply, and the deal was done. I probably saved a couple hundred dollars worth of my time, just by getting this taken care of and being out the door early.

Demographics: It was 90% Black and Hispanic. The dress was often informal, but never disrespectful (unlike last time, where one guy wore pants down to his knees and a Lakers jersey). It was mostly sneakers and polo shirts. I am the best dressed person here by a country mile. I don’t think dressing up nicely actually influences anyone that much. If this has ever influenced a judge, it hasn’t been around me. I suppose that’s a good thing.

Three out of four white people have lawyers. That’s not a percentage or a ratio. There are four white people, and three of them have lawyers.

Public Defenders now cost $50 (used to be free), but the fee is waived if the case is completed on that day.

It sucks to be poor. Off the top of my head:
• I got a lawyer for free, just because I know many lawyers in my regular life.
• I took time off work (not everyone can do this). I probably won’t even get charged a vacation day for it.
• Charles was telling me about the usual cases they have here. In car accident cases, Insurance agencies identify the poorest plaintiffs and purposefully offer terrible settlements. The companies know the victim doesn’t have the resources to fight and are likely to take any offer as “better than nothing”.
• The $50 charge for a public defender. I am surprised. I thought if you were poor enough it was a guaranteed constitutional right to have a free lawyer.
• In rural counties, they’ve outsourced probation. As a result, it cost $200 just to be on probation.
• Court is just plain intimidating. It’s easy to make a mistake and screw everything up, and you are painfully aware of that all the time. If a mistake is relatively catastrophic, it makes the scenario even more frightening, making it more likely that you’ll make a mistake.

A woman just pled an agreement with the state for shoplifting at WalMart. It was arranged that she would go into a shoplifting program of some kind. But she only speak Farsi. Can the program handle Farsi? Her son is interpreting for her. But when she was called up to the stand, her son was outside feeding the parking meter. So she stood mutely for fifteen minutes while the judge decided whether to delay everyone’s day waiting for the son, or to move on to the next case.

The mix of electronics and paper is ridiculous. The judge and her workers have computers to record the flow of cases and determinations. But all the actual information about the case is in old manila folders that would look fine on Mad Men.

“How do you plead?”
“I am not guilty!”
“Do you have a lawyer?”
“I am represented by Edmunds and Associates, and they will. Get. Me off!” Maybe not, but I’ll bet they are screwing you pretty well.

I was wrong, there is another person here dressed well. A middle-aged black man outshines me easily. The judge asks, “How are you doing today?” He answers, “Blessed.” I like that.

Remember the man sleeping behind me? They call his name, but he isn’t there. The security guard speaks up. “I had to remove him to the sick room, he’s on some kind of medication.” “Okay, so he is here, but sleepy?” “Yes, he can’t stay awake.” “I hope it’s not marijuana. That’s what here’s for!” The whole courtroom laughs.

“Sir, is this your first case of this kind?”
“It’s my first case of any kind!”

When it is time for the arranged pleas, I go first. I pled (or rather, my lawyer pled) Nolo Contedere. Interestingly, I was given my choice of two charges I could plead to. Either the original not Moving Over for Emergency Vehicle, or I could change to “Unsafe Speed for Conditions”. I decided the latter sounded a little better. $200 plus court costs poorer, I walk out.

Readers: Did I play this right, or did I just get extremely lucky?

I was playing loose. I bluffed a lot. I showed my bluff cards a few times also. I was having fun, but also hoping to set up that big play where my huge raise with premium cards would be discounted and get callers.

I had a stack of 6,000 or so, a bit above average. I was dealt 9-3 offsuit as dealer.

Preflop:
Everyone folded to me and the blinds. Sure I only had 9-3, but I raised the blinds from 200 to 600, hoping to steal. It was certainly an aggressive play, but not crazy, right? The small blind folded. The big blind thought about it, and re-raised, up to 1,200. What to do?

I had no read on him, but he could certainly be re-raising with nothing. I would be getting a good return on my money (calling 600 to win 2,500). And I have a feeling that I can push him out after the flop with a continuation bet. Certainly this is not an obvious play, to call him with total junk. But I don’t think it’s crazy either. I called.

The flop:
The flop is 9-7-4 (or something very similar). I have top pair. I am still planning a big continuation bet, hoping to push him out. But he beats me to the punch, with a healthy bet of 2,000.

But I think I have the best hand. Very roughly speaking – he either has an overpair (I have 5 outs, about a 20% chance of pulling it out), he has two high cards (I’m favored at about 75%), or he has junk (I’m heavily favored). I am mostly worried that he had junk and got luckier than me, he could have 7-4 or a straight draw or something. I also think that even if he has pocket 10s or something similar, an all-in bet might make him fold. I would be showing a consistent story of premium cards that he might have to respect.

I go all-in, another 3,200 or so on top. He moans, and grudgingly calls. He turns over A-K. He did have premium cards. But he doesn’t pair up, and I win the hand to knock him out. He is understandably incredulous that I called his pre-flop raise with 9-3.

So, readers, am I just a stupid player with a lot of luck, or did I take reasonable chances and get a little lucky along the way?

That ought to create some buzz!

18th century ship found at Ground Zero site

Sad stormtrooper

That it is a man who just doesn’t care

The sequel to World War I was just ridiculous

Nice resume, but…

I never thought about sacrifice quite this way

Incredible superhero CGI. Why go to the movies?

Common Cause

Scott meets Family Circus

Mila’s dreams: A mother stages what she thinks her infant daughter is dreaming about

A potentially disturbing question (must read all the way to the end)

Interesting Car Wrecks

Sledgehammer and Whore

Ninja Ball Girl

Pac Man

People who bought Jon and Kate also bought…

Hauser’s Law: No matter the tax rate, tax revenue is about 20% of revenue

“Frankie Bellomer, Marketing.”
“Jackie Bouillabaisse.”
“Alex Alexis, IT.”
etc…

This is next to useless. How about something about what you do, or what role you play in the project?

“I’m Frankie Bellomer. I’m going to driving the final look and feel of this, as well as aligning it with our other marketing pieces.”
“Jackie Bouillabaisse, Product. I’ll be figuring out exactly what this thing does, similar to project so-and-so.”
“Alex Alexis. My team will actually build the product, so I’m here to make sure the specs are technically possible.”
etc…

In a few of these meetings I’ve ignored convention and explained who I am, with the idea that someone who doesn’t know me might actually get some useful information. But since no one else does it, I mostly look like an egotistical blowhard.

We could have sworn it was a French woman singing it. Whoops!